mcversipellis:

“Apollo, your voice hymned a justice I could not see clear, but all too clear the anguish you caused, the bloodhaunted, homeless future you’ve doled out.”

― Euripides, Electra

anotherhawk:

bunjywunjy:

I’m not locked in here with you, you’re locked in here with me.

Originally posted by jewishnikiforov

mello-highh:

im gonna need for people to discuss how scar, mumbo and grian are ALL CANONICALLY SOULMATES, double life pairing scar and grian and then mumbo consumed grians soul, so they share it, theyre all literally canonically soulmates, ITS GAY

thesmegalodon:

you all need to be my minions i think it’d be wonderful if we made hope posting a trend on tumblr

korasonata:

Hermitcraft season 9 - favourite bits of episode ones!

—

Doc: *gives Scar unbreaking III, mending, silk touch, and efficiency V*

Scar: dude, this is amazing, I’m gonna be able to fully enchant my hoe.

SILENCE

Doc: …what

—

Gem: oh there’s beetroot seeds! I want those, thank you.

Impulse: I’ve never heard anyone get excited about beetroot seeds.

Gem: they’re so pretty! Have you seen em?

Pearl: they are. But that’s all they’re good for. Looking pretty.

Gem: yeah, well that’s all I’m good for too and nobody complains.

—

Beef: You want some balls?

XB: uh…no, go for it man.

Beef (completely innocently): you sure? I’ve got 2. I can give you one.

XB: all…your balls…are belong to you.

—

*Distant sounds of Impulse screaming*

Pearl: are you alright!

[Impulse was slain by Vex]

Cleo: …I don’t know if he’s alright. I think he’s not alright.

—

Pearl: ok, you know what he’s targeting Gem, so we can hit it.

*Vindicator turns around and kills her instantly.*

—

Gem: look, it’s huge!

Pearl: look at Gem finding all the big holes on the server.

Cleo: *lost it*

Gem (completely unaware at what she’s just done): I’m so good at this!

Cleo: *hyperventilating*

Impulse: oh jeez.

*intense wheezing sounds from Cleo*

Impulse: Oh sh— good job Gem, I think you killed Cleo.

Cleo: you can’t do this to me! I’ve got the plague!

—

Pearl (singing): I can show you the world! Weeeeeee! (Jumps off cliff)

Impulse (very concerned): oh she dead!

Pearl (distant): Hello!

Impulse: I will show you the world as weeeelllllllll!!! (Jumps off cliff)

Pearl: oh, hi!

Impulse: *dies*

—

Pearl: oh look! Gem found me more holes.

Cleo: *snickering*

Gem: No, Cleo found this one!!

Pearl: oh, ok.

Cleo: but you found my hole after I used it!

SILENCE…

Pearl: …alright.

Cleo: *cackling*

Pearl: I think Cleo…got that one a little further down the road than it should have been…

Impulse: *snickering*

Cleo: I’m a grown up.

—

Cleo: Hi..?

Doc: Hey!

Cleo: what are you up t— I mean I know what you’re up to but why are you up to it?

—

Ren: guys, I’ve forgotten how to play early game Minecraft. Can someone hold my hand please?

—

Stress: look what I picked up! (Places down green carpet) some decor.

False: ni— from where?!

Stress (laughing): I don’t kno—Oh, the village!

False: You been shopping?! Without me?! You bought a new carpet?!

—

Doc: I’m back.

Stress + False: Welcome back.

False: wait, I thought you were going to bed, it’s passed your bedtime!

Doc: Yeah, I asked and I can stay up a bit longer.

Stress: *laughing*

False: Ok, well welcome back.

Stress: *completely lost it*

False: I think it’s passed Stress’s bedtime too, by the sounds of it.

Stress: What do you mean?!

False: What do you mean what do I mean?!

—

Ren: Excuse me Mrs. False Symmetry.

False: Yes. Hi.

Ren: Hi there. Umm, we—

False: The answer’s no.

—

(Doc and Ren squabbling in the background)

False: Oooooooo

Stress: False, False, False. False?

False: Wait wait wait. Wait wait wait—

Stress (insistent): False. False.

False: Wait, look look. Look look. There’s a fight happening.

(Ren and Doc in the background

-The horse face! I want it!

-No! No, I need it! I need it!)

Stress: What face?

False: There’s a fight.

Stress: What?

False (with glee): There’s a fight about to happen.

—

False (about Stress): She’s not even here yet. She’s probably screaming her head off somewhere.

*distant screaming from Stress*

—

Iskall (about his starter base): it could definitely use a few more flowers. *Places down Stress’s head* It’s flowers.

—

Pearl: Ooo! Sapling!

Impulse: I have one myself.

Pearl: ooo! Apple!

Impulse: ok, we still can’t make a full tree.

Pearl: what do you mean? We can make two trees now. Ooo! Sapling! Three trees! Four trees! Five trees!

Impulse: are we gonna— would you stop it!

Pearl: I’m excited ok!

Impulse: are we gonna just trust in what we’ve gathered so far? Or do we wanna stick around for a bit?

Pearl (whispering): six trees.

Impulse (whispering): Oh my gosh.

—

Ren: Beware. There’s a deep troll that lives underground and shouts at you when you walk by, it’s very disturbing.

Cub: It’s true.

Cleo: It’s probably Joe.

—

TFC: I love it! A floating axe! *picks up floating axe*

*dies to trident*

TFC: And now it’s floating again.

—

Grian (watching Mumbo and Scar boat through a cave on land): they have 8 million subscribers, these two.

Mumbo: Well deserved subscribers, I think you’ll find!

—

Bdubs: Doc, you’ve been out in the desert for days, what have you been doing out there?

Doc: I— well, got full diamond gear and—

Bdubs: Yeah.

Doc: Iron farm. Um…and a villager breeder set up and now—

Bdubs: Oh my goodness…

Doc: I need a donkey so I can build a giant gold farm.

Gem: Doc. I have a tree. And that’s all.

—

Bdubs: oh my love! Ok we’re naming this horse Mí Amoré! Gem, did you hear that?

Gem: That’s a good horse name.

Bdubs: Yeah? It’s Spanish!

Gem: Didn’t know you knew Spanish.

Bdubs: Ok, you were supposed to know that that was actually Italian.

—

Ren (to Keralis): ok, um…if you would please sir…um…would you just please remove my head from my body?

Isklall (with zero hesitation): Yes! *smack*

Ren: NOT YOU!!!

—

Ren: I want his face, is that a problem?

Stress + False in tandem: Uh…

False: ..no?

Stress: Can I have your face? Set your spawn Ren. Ren go over there— *pushing him* to the bed

Ren: Wait—!

Stress: Click it. Click the bed Ren. Click. The bed.

False (sitting back casually): This is a real face off.

Ren (now standing on the bed): But I have much things!

Stress: Click the bed!

Ren: Wait a minute—!!

Stress: CLICK THE BED!!

—

BONUS THINGS

•The entire “Matador” “Matress Store” “Master Door” bit

•The whole Stress with the wheat arch which eventually culminates in Doc banning her from going anywhere near wheat

•Joe’s entire episode solely because of the sheer comedic value of him just minding his business and planting his crops while all hell breaks loose around him

•How many Hermits does it take to trap one sheep in a hole going on in Beef’s episode (and apparently the answer is SEVEN)

•The smash cuts in Gems episode. Her saying that she went to the Nether with Impulse and going “It went really well!” Smash cut to her walking through the portal going “THIS IS THE WORST!” Her going “I’ve enlisted Jevin as an escort to the desert. Jevin was a great escort I swear!” Smash cut to Jevin plummeting to his death.

•That one very specific moment in Tango’s episode where you just hear Stress scream bloody murder before she suddenly just jumps off the side of a cliff with explosions going off behind her like the greatest action sequence ever.

•BEHIND YOU GEM

Aurora: I have all these mechanisms and not a single one is of the coping variety

mulberrycafe:

demonicae:

scarabest:

Oh no

oh baby

that kitten has never had a thought in it’s tiny life

He’s working so hard 🥺😭

academicgangster:

catasters:

schizsune:

badlydrawnhermitcraft:

oh no.

chrispineofficial:

chrispineofficial:

chrispineofficial:

the thing about dean and cas is that they are literally both so stupid like. they will have been married for 10 years and still be worried the other doesn’t LIKE-like them

dean, while cas is actively still inside him: ok but are we just friends

@alivedean SCREAM

argonphoenix:

This is Thelockpickinglaywer and what I have for you today is something very interesting. As you can tell by the agonizing screams of the damned, I have recently left the mortal coil and, upon arriving at my destination, was informed that I did not qualify for residence. I was taken by an angel of the Lord to the mouth of Hell, and when the angel left, he closed this rather large red door and sealed it with a divine key. Although I’ve never seen this particular model of lock before, I’ve spent some time investigating the cylinder with this small shard of bone. By sticking it in the back of the keyway and slowly pulling it out, I can tell that this is a five-pin tumbler lock, that can easily be single-pin picked using this shed demon scale as a tensioner tool. Let’s try that right now. Alright, nothing on one. Nothing on two. Three is binding firmly, click out of that. Nothing on four. Five is binding, little click there, back to one. Once again, nothing. Two is binding, and we’ve dropped into a false set. Little click out of three. Nothing on four. Little click on one, counter-rotation on two, and we got this open. Okay folks, I think the main takeaway here is that no matter how much faith you place in a mechanism designed to ensure your safety, be it spiritual or physical, there is always a state in which it can fail. In any case, thank you for watching. Memento mori, and I’ll see you next time.

They hate me, you say, for good reason

I am rude, abrasive, far too much

And yet never enough

I was rude, I made you look bad

It is always rude, a word you throw around

At everything from my jokes to my gaze

It is an easy word for you, I think

Because you do not have to tell me why

Simply that I am rude

And this means that people think I am cruel

And so they hate me

And they are right to do so

I cannot remember the last time

I went out in public with you

Unafraid of my next terrible infringement

Perhaps long ago, when I was small

And I did not yet know that I was not what you wanted me to be

And now, after every moment people are forced to endure my company for your sake

You will tell me, in list, all the many ways in which I have fucked up

I am an embarrassment to you

But if I am so rude, so ungrateful, maybe you should stop inviting me

I go for you, just as these people endure me for you

You could just leave me be

If I am so rude, so awful, and you raised me

Then what are you?

Are you too much? Too little? Too abrasive? Loud? Obnoxious?

Do you seek to fix me because you cannot fix yourself?

Or are you simply angry that I can be happy with myself and you cannot

Did you know that when I am not with you, people like me?

I am funny, smart, talented, and kind

I would much rather be kind and abrasive than cruel and polite

When you do not report back my every failing

I can flourish

You may prune a plant so it grows a certain way

But cut too much and you will choke it of sunlight

People like me when I can take off my mask

I’m sorry you have to keep yours on

Because if people heard your reports

They would not call me the cruel one

But not to you. I am more than some pain you must endure

Until you get the perfect daughter you always wanted

I am a person and I will be treated as such

Because I do not need a voice of self-hate, telling me all I have done wrong

I already have one of those, and it’s voice is far too similar to yours

But I have other voices, ones that love me,

That tell me I deserve better

That I deserve people who see me as a blessing,

Rather than a curse to be borne

And I believe them